Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Grudges and why I hold them

Sometimes I'm not a very nice person. When I say I'm not a nice person I don't mean I'm rude to strangers or pushy in lineups or beat my children behind closed doors, not that sort of not nice. I mean that when I don't like someone or feel hard done by by the actions of someone I don't automatically do the above, absolve them of their *crimes* against me just because of their present circumstances.I really don't buy into the whole 'the minute someone is terminally or critically ill, they are absolved of all the nastiness they've created or spewed out into the world thing'.

People are who they are. Getting sick is about getting sick. It is not a free pass for being a prick.

I do however believe in Karma. In fact, I've learnt not to tempt Karma as SHE has a very distinct and incisive sense of humour.

So perhaps, this might be not a good idea but here goes anyway.

I believe 'THAT' is karma. Not meaning to say that she's my personal revenge sidekick because THAT would be TEMPTING KARMA and that I do not do. Ever. Besides, chances are, they aren't just unnice to me. I'm talking about the people about whom it is said, "oh that's just *insert name*, they're just that way." The ones whose cutting remarks leave you curled and bleeding with their careless or sometimes purposeful slashes and jabs.

Um... no.

If someone goes around being a dink to people, they will get theirs. I believe it was Oprah Winfrey (yeah yeah I USED to like her) who said that she believes that people will get theirs, she just wants to be there to watch it happen.

:)I'm with her.

So what, exactly, am I babbling about? I'm talking about coworkers and others in my past who have been inconsiderate and at times out and out nasty to me. For no good reason other than some misguided sense that feeling better than me made them better over all.

There are a couple of women in the southwest Calgary area who followed me around a grocery store once, making remarks one wouldn't expect from teenaged girls about someone who 'looked' at the boy they pretend is their boyfriend. Nasty, mean spirited outright hurtful things to say to anyone let alone a complete stranger. Bet those two were real popular in high school. I'm talking about them.

There's an ex coworker of mine from... gee... nearly 26 years ago now, who actually sabotaged the work that left her desk to make my job harder, simply because she didn't like me. Despite repeated reminders that she was shooting herself in the foot by our manager she continued these actions till we were both fired. You can bet I'm talking about her.

There's a couple of grade school teachers who by their every day actions contributed to my junior high days being a wedge of time I'd rather not think about. Thanks for the help in growing up there, ladies, and there is no consolation in knowing that you messed up your own daughters the same way (blessed are those who grow up in a small town :) for they know all, even after they leave, courtesy of those who do not.). It really doesn't make what you did to me and others in your classes any less painful, even some 30 plus years later.

So, yeah, I'm talking about them, too.

These are all people to whom I was nothing more than peripheral. In fact, in the case of the two *ladies* who followed me around a grocery store for upwards of 15 minutes taunting me like kindergarteners, I was a complete stranger.

I'm no where near perfect. I've snipped at people and had others chastise me for my tone in talking to people and such. I've been the nasty customer who'd better get some satisfaction, but, you know, I've also been the one who calls up to make sure that the boss knows the extra efforts someone has gone to on my behalf. I try to balance my actions, rather than walk the tight rope of being understanding and considerate 100% of the time.

That way has gotten me walked on by people in my life.

So the pendulum swings.

People to whom I've been nothing more than a blip, here's notice that when something bad happens to you, you won't have to worry about whether I still think you're a creep. if you were before you still are, most likely and for the very few who actually take the wake up call and do something about it, good for you...but I'll believe it...when I see it.

You know who you are:

You've passed me on the highway, shaking your fist at me because I was driving slower than you and you had to shake yourself out of the stupor you usually drive in to pass me. To you, it's just an extra $10 at the gas station, to me that's two meals for my family so pardon me while I drive a little slower to get more out of my car.

You've gotten impatient behind me in line because I actually took the time to know the prices of the items I was buying. To you it's a buck, to me it's a loaf of bread. 'Scuse me for feeding my family, yet again.

You've brushed by me at the grocery store, without so much as a kindly smile or a murmured ''scuse me'. You've nearly run over my children because you had to get out of the parking lot that fast. You've snarled at me over the phone because the product the company I work for produces did pretty much exactly what it's supposed to, never once realizing that the problem was you.

When, just when did the world become about you?