Fascinated, you bet...
Friday 10.29.04 [4:51 pm]
Well to most that know me this won't come as too much of a shock. I'm facintated by men. Now that doesn't mean that I have a Chippendale's calendar hanging in my bedroom (my crafts room actually) or that I oogle guys as they walk down the street.
It does mean that that other species that masquerades as the other half of my own fascinates me.
I offer these Rules of Manhood as an example of why...(note at a guess given the language involved these came from a British or perhaps a European site...a tip: MATE = friend I was given no reference for where this comes from, so if you know, I'd appreciate the info to give a nod to the author (not to miss mentioning copyright details as well).
Rules of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Okay, this one I'll let go... not to sure how I feel about two women sharing one either, unless they are lifelong friends or family.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. I'd like to see someone NOT cry then. (said somewhat indignantly)
b. The moment Angelina Jolie or Halle Berry (or both) starts unbuttoning her blouse. Ahem
c. After wrecking your boss' car. Girls get to do this when they wreck anyone's car, see how fair we are?
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". I've never actually seen this movie, so can't comment.
e. When she is using her teeth meh, and just lets it go.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to boys night out may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known another man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. Seems to me that defeats the purpose of having brothers with friends.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. Alright fine, but does it have to bleed over to forgetting your girl's birthday too?
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. Men have also invented cars that go too damn far on one tank of gas as well...I'm sensing a conspiracy here...
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. Just... ICKS
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. And yet, invite a guy to watch an all girls mud wrestling match...
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or the double switch) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. Yeah, like we -want- to sit in front of the tv hollering and slapping each other's asses every holiday ... There's shopping to be done, thank you very much. *SNORT* I also sounded convincing there didn't I? it was the shopping part right?
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. You know, I can't really argue with this one, call me oldfashioned... well sort of, I guess it depends how suggestively dressed she is, and for what purpose...
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both thats just mean.
19: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. GIGGLES
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. *EYE ROLL* What the hell do they do if they need extra tissue?
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. Is that why they're so damned concerned with how long they were going for...
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. No comment, okay just one... PIG
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. EVIL EYE
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Orange, snicker...
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. Here's a tip, boys, think diamonds and gold and ring fingers...cause that's what we bloody well mean you dorks.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever. Heh, well for the most part I tend to agree with that, who wants them around then anyways...
Now, first of all, why do they need a written set of rules? Don't they realize that under any given set of circumstances there are any number of responses to all of these situations? I mean really... women just make things up and given some of the creativity I've seen from a guy or two, at squirming, I'd think they'd be just as capable of just making it up as they go along.
Second, are there truly MEN police out there, checking to see if one guy talks to another in the john? Who gets -that- job? Who -wants- that job?
And that whole set of beer rules... only men would have rules about BEER.
So men will continue to fascinate me with their sport rituals and silly bathroom rules of behaviour. They also make me want to pick them apart to figure out what makes 'em tick... but then they get all broken and metrosexual when you get too deep into the whole feelings thing.
So guys, despite more than one joke about you, and your various types of behaviour... that makes me nearly pee my pants with laughter and glee; here's one gal who's pretty happy you guys are guys and she's a gal.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Fascinated, you bet...
Posted by Reasonable Female at 9/18/2010 12:21:00 AM