Saturday, August 26, 2006

Resolutions...not just for New year's day.

In an attempt to post more often I'll be putting up the odd Q&A (well hopefully odd, unless my muse takes another sabatical or twelve).

Scooped this one from a blog I recently discovered from another blogger's blog list. (wow can you really use the word blog that many times in a sentence and maintain your sanity?)

Another blog q & a

10 years ago today I was
: heavier, unemployed, in post partum depression and blissfully unaware of it.

5 years ago today I was: also heavier than I am today, heh, also unemployed and also in post partum depression only I and everyone around me was dreadfully aware of it.

1 year ago today I was: Still shaking after being robbed at gunpoint earlier in the month. I'd quit the job and was signing up for school.

I was drinking a slurpee (cranberry) that my manager at the bank decided everyone needed one of.

5 snacks I enjoy: mixed nuts, particularly brazil nuts, hazelnuts, cashews and almonds; raw carrots; crisp apples and old cheese; popcorn; fresh fruit.

5 songs I know by heart:
Two Little Boys, Runaway (Del Shannon), I Cross My Heart, George Strait, Last Kiss, Don't Be Cruel (ELVIS), Can't Help Falling in Love (also ELVIS).

5 things I would do with $100 million dollars: Buy each of my 5 kids a house, set each of them up with trustfunds with ridiculous conditions and tell them "sink or swim I gave you a life jacket use it wisely". Buy land. Invest in a friend's business. Take a cruise. Have a blast doing little favours for people.

5 places I would run away to:
The mountains. Up north somewhere. The deep south but I'd need a guide to keep from getting something squishy to eat or offending someone. Australia. Morocco.

5 things I would never wear: Thong bikini. nuff said.

5 favourite TV shows:
CSI, American Justice, Big Brother, Passions (the soap opera)

5 favourite toys (actual you know, toys, that little kids play with not XXXTOYSXXX): Spirograph. That drawing tool where you could trace over a picture and draw it with the other end, larger or smaller. Yoyo. Slinky and building blocks, megablocks, lincolnlogs, leggo, erector sets, what ever I could stack and build shapes with. Oh does anyone remember little daisy shaped plastic bits? rather like the connector things?

5 *moments*:
Settling into the saddle of a new horse, the little frisson that races up your spine. Taking off in a plane. The first time you make love with someone and realize it is really lovemaking and not just sex. That brief moment just before...well you know... When you know, in your heart, that what you're doing is the absolutely right thing to do at that particular moment.

Your turn.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Sometimes I need to listen to myself.

Recently I was talking with someone about their love life. I tend to be a bit of a snoop in that regard, I like to think it comes from being a writer, as to be a good writer one must be a voyeur of sorts. But on the flip side somewhere along the way certain people have found me easy to confide in and have even told me later that my listening and inevitable advice has been helpful.

Anyway, I found myself listening to a sad tale. My friend, and I wish I could say that both parties in this relationhip were my friends, but sadly that's not the case, is feeling somewhat frustrated with his significant other. I like them both. I enjoy both of them as people but only with one did I make *a connection*.

This is hard, as my immediate response is something that was said to me a long time ago by a friend of mine. "You're mine and he's not, and therefore regardless of the circumstances, you are always right and he's always wrong." She went on to add, "unless you're being a big fat idiot."

I listened and nodded and hugged and generally was a sounding board for my buddy to get out what he needed to get out. At the end of it I found these sage words leaving my lips: " isn't slavery, subservency or superiority. it's not two people coming together to make one. it's two whole entire people, coming together to make a sum far greater than two."

There's so many old saws that come to mind, 'if you love something set it free...', 'if you can't love yourself, no one else can...', and my favourite...'who wants to belong to a club that would let me into as a member?'

I've always said that people that need someone to *complete* them didn't understand the concept of a relationship. Only I wasn't listening. I was busy saying all the right things just not doing them. I was busy searching for someone to finish me, to add the edging and embellishes that I wanted or thought I needed to complete me.

What I needed was already inside me. I simply had to allow it to be enough. To be what -I- needed, rather than what others were telling me I needed. I don't need fringes and tassels and a fancy lace edging to make me special. I already am. If only I'd believe it.

I'm considering this an affirmation that I am enough. For me. Anyone else can figure out their own standards or levels of enough.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Turning the Other Cheek

You know how people turn the other cheek, swallow the insult that cuts to the very quick of their heart because well... nice people do just that. Parents do that. Friends do that. Sisters do that. Coworkers do that. I'm DONE doing that.

I no longer am a nice person. I no longer will let others' wishes, desires, needs, wants, gratification whathaveyou, come before my own. If I'm not important enough for the common courtesies of wishing happy birthday to, being concerned when I'm ill, accepting that my feelings are also hurt to someone then they can go find someone who is. If they were important to me and that's how they think then I was obviously mistaken about their importance to me.

And I'm going to recognise that fact a hell of a lot sooner now because I'm going to be examining EVERYTHING with a fine toothed comb from now on. Everyone will be suspect until they PROVE their worth to me. I'm not going to sit there and expect humanity from people. I'm not going to assume that because I simply would NOT treat someone else that way, that they won't treat me that way. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm going to assume that they are going to do as dirty to me as they can and defend against it. I'm going to be a lonely miserable suspicious person but damn it I no long will sit there stunned into sobbing tears at the level of inconsideration with which I was treated. I'll be well prepared for it. And I'll do everything in my power to do it first because I'm DONE.

I'm not apologizing for my desires anymore. And you know what else? I'm done explaining just how very simple they are. Because they are; they are the lowest level of respect and consideration for another human being that can be expected. Obviously that's my problem right? Anything that comes that cheap in effort isn't worth it.

So what I need to become is a high maintenance bitch. A person whose ass simply begs to be kissed. I will expect diamonds, even though I hate those hard brittle gems. I won't look for the fire and life of an opal anymore. I want diamonds and gold because when I'm done with whoever gave them to me, I can sell them for money. From now on it's about ME.

I've been accused of being selfish before, man they got nothing. They want selfish? They'll see SELFISH.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Mel Gibson

heh... there was a time when I first got connected online when Mr. Gibson (long one of my favourite actors) couldn't make a public move without a network of MELFANs I belonged to sending the airwaves shimmering with the volume of their comments, tidbits of info and opinions.

BTW: if you're going to fill my comments with remarks about his recent remarks, drunken arrest or the like, piss off and read the post first.

It was the first email list I ever belonged to and one of the liveliest, while perhaps not in sheer numbers like the KnitList or eTatters it was one of the most enjoyable lists I've had the pleasure to participate in.

We talked about his pants size, his eyes, his kids, his movie role choices and how he portrayed his characters. We looked for motivation like the very best group of method actor wannabes ever, and we discussed the plot device of Rika (LW2) to death. We were all walks of life, many different religions were evident in the well wishes for the group from various members through the year. We ranged from judges to homemakers to professional extras and back to an ex girlfriend of his (from his teen years I believe) to industry insiders. We even (gasp) had male members of the list who simply admired the man's ability to be a man and or an actor.

The list disbanded just prior to the release of The Passion of the Christ and I believe it was a wise choice on Lisa's (listowner) part. Her reasons were personal, and had more to do with a change in her family dynamic (a teen was becoming quite well known in her chosen sport and time was becoming an issue) than any controversy that film was sure to stir up. We'd weathered more than one bout of *bad press* before that and probably would have come through this a more enlightened group as we had before.

You see the list wasn’t about MEL GIBSON = ENTITY and we weren’t seeing him as a EPITOME of how to live, be and think. We were a group of intelligent, articulate people, who chose to enjoy his abilities as an actor. Sure there were always people who when they disagreed with his choices talked about not watching him anymore. *shrugs*. That’s what free will and free enterprise and consumer’s choice is all about.

I didn’t even know he’d been arrested until the anti Semite hoopla started and my first response was sadness that the demon that he’s dealt with, hid from and fought with all these years had gotten another hold of him.  Then I started reading articles about it all. Man, everyone’s got an opinion hey? I read Mr. Gibson’s formal apology. I know that some will consider it lip service and an attempt to recoup his prestige. I don’t believe those people are correct. Sure, as a fan, I don’t want them to be either, but I really think that despite it being very formal and very well prepared it was an honest apology.

One thing I feel a need to comment on is this: Rob Schneider is simply capitalizing on the press being generated with his “I’ll never work with Gibson” crap ad in Variety. Who cares frankly? And I say that as someone who’s enjoyed both actors in separate films. I had and have NO DESIRE what so ever to ever see the two of them in the same film. So there, Robbie m’boy…smoke that in your publicity stealing pipe and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. Getting a little bit antsy after the shitshow that Duece Bigalow European trash turned out to be? Need to jump on anyone’s bandwagon you can’t don’t you? You little shit piece of trash, before you say you’d never work with him you ought to wait to be asked. However, even though the above opinion is pretty strong, I’ll probably have a laugh at one or two of his movies again sometime. But I digress…

Back to Mel.

I can’t forgive him. 1. I’m not Jewish. 2. He didn’t make the remarks to me. 3. Even the person who is Jewish that he did make the remarks to can’t forgive him, truly. The only person who can forgive these actions is Mel himself and I doubt that’s something that’s going to happen anytime soon. People ought to heed their own teachings before they go out making remarks like the above noted, y’know. To err is human, to forgive is divine. I rather think that there’s relatively few that remember that when they’re out there ready to put up billboards. This is turning into a ‘oh look, the high and mighty is toppling, quick throw on a grappling hook and rip him apart’ or maybe just to their level hmmm?

Maybe I’m na├»ve, maybe I’ve got a Pollyanna people are truly good and life is all good view on the world, heh…maybe I’m selfish and just don’t want to believe that he’s a bad person because then I have to go around defending my admiration of his work.

See that’s where people get confused IMNSHO. The work is not the man. Who he is when he’s with his friends, his family and in his personal life is none of my business. And yes, there’s a line where someone’s personal beliefs shouldn’t be allowed to make them money especially where those beliefs are against the norm or mores of society but there’s far worse *people* out there making money off silly bullshit or off the norm scale remarks. And, I might add, although it’s not intended as a defence of Mel, without the aid of befuddling substances such as alcohol.

Certainly if a celebrity or person of note is found guilty of heinous act he should be accorded the same punishment as an ordinary person but we all know that’s something we as a society don’t allow. We vilify our heroes for stepping the slightest bit out of our preconceived pigeonholes for them. We don’t allow them to have faults; we don’t allow them to be anything other than what we’ve created them to be in our minds. Or what their PR person has created. (Think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt here  or Madonna or a few dozen other ‘don’t have a clue what this is about but my PR person told me to smile and nod so like a bobble headed Chihuahua so I will’ celebs.)

Mel has a problem. One he’s fought and managed and dealt with for many years and likely will do so for the rest of his life.

I’ll still watch his performances. I’ll still count him as one of my favourite actors and certain scenes (not the hottub scene in Tequila Sunrise you dirty minded person you lol) will still take my breath away.